What is it like being a mother today? What are the rewards, thefears, the joys, the frustrations? What has changed over the years,and are things better or worse now than in the past?
I think most people, mothers included, would agree that we nolonger live in a "Leave It to Beaver" world. So what are moms facingat present?
Heather Boerner, in "The Best and Worst Things About Being a MomToday" on the BabyCenter website, sought opinions of 2,400 moms in afairly comprehensive survey. The responses were fascinating. Butbecause the survey was done in 2008, it did not take into accountthe deep and devastating recession that occurred in the years thatfollowed.
As to whether preceding generations had it easier or tougherraising their kids, the group was about evenly divided. Despite thefact, for example, that their grandmothers had few of the currentconveniences associated with child rearing, half of the group stillthought grandmoms, and even their own moms, had an easier time ofit. Their perception may have been borne from their belief that inprevious generations there were closer-knit communities with"clearer rules, expectations and shared values." There is far morestuff to deal with today.
In the category of worst things about being a mom, are aspects oflife that are difficult to control. Many cited media, particularlytelevision, as a source of frustration due to the sex, violence andprofanity prevalent in programming. Kids mimic actions, listen andrepeat words they hear on TV, while moms must constantly bemonitors. Another headache is the quality, cost and availability ofa good education for their children. A fair percentage believeschool systems are broken, yet the cost of an alternative isexpensive. Attendant to school costs are increasing prices ofgroceries, gas and health insurance.
Moreover, one of the most painful aspects of child rearing forsome women is "mommy guilt." Whether it's dealing with an inflexiblework schedule or competing with a video screen, moms feel guilt andfear that they don't spend enough time with their kids. Many mustwork to make ends meet, and they feel a sense of frustration whenthey are just too tired or stressed to spend the quality time theydesire.
But there's a flip side. Respondents said the best part of beinga mom was seeing a spouse or partner actively involved with raisingkids. They were gratified to see dads fixing bottles, giving mealsor changing diapers. Another plus was myriad products - fromdevelopmental toys to strollers to car seats. Add thousands ofresources such as the Internet, which grandmoms never had, andexpand those options with emerging technology and modern moms can'tlive without them. They hate the beeping and buzzing, but love thegadgets. Cellphones, email, digital cameras and other devices arepopular and convenient. They still like old-fashioned, face-to-facesocialization, even as electronic social networking is exploding farbeyond what it was during the 2008 study.
What do today's mothers want more of? Time. With its pressingdemands, life is a balancing act that frequently tilts too far oneway or the other. Some of the mothers, with utter disappointment,said they have studied ways to balance their lives, but it just doesnot always happen. Independent of this survey, author andentrepreneur Kimberly Seals Allers says that as her kids get older,a key to balance is getting them involved. She noticed that whenthey returned from visits with their dad, they always spoke of thechores he had them perform. Now with her they are immersed in allaspects of home life, even assisting her in business.
On this Mother's Day, I salute all of you who have experiencedthe pains, joys and rewards of motherhood. We couldn't have made itwithout you.
The Rev. Louis A. Butcher Jr. is pastor of Bright Side BaptistChurch. He is also a correspondent for Lancaster Newspapers Inc.Email him at myblessedlife@aol.com.
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